If I Lay Here
by LavsBlack
Summary: After everything, Tony Stark longed for three things only, in that order: one, for his body to recover, two to lie down until grief escaped his body, and three, Steve to lie with him.


**Note: It was just an exercise to warm me up, after a long time without writing anything, so don't get attached to the original scene of the movie, it won't have much to do with it, ok? not much to do with anything, if I was writing it for real would involve a lot more characters, but I wanted to focus on just stony. hope you enjoy it 3**

**cover by oriental-lady at tumblr.**

* * *

_if i lay here, if i just lay here_

_would you lie with me and just forget the world_

_forget what we're told,_

_before we get too old._

_Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars_

When the ship's door swung open without even cutting the silence, the first thing Tony noticed was the familiar atmosphere, perhaps the most powerful homecoming sensation since Afghanistan. More than any specific difference, it was the shock that he was actually returning to earth's atmosphere, to the effects of which he could once list. Not embraced by the armor, not confined to the curiously controlled environment of the guardian ship; but to Earth, to its natural characteristics. Breathing fresh air was a sensation he had almost forgotten. He coughed a few times, it was a bit too much.

They had parked at the Avengers Complex, more familiar than that only if they turned up in the ruins of Malibu. The last scenery he had seen was the ruins of Titan so it was almost a relief to see how normal everything was, at least in appearance, the wound in his stomach cracked to remind him of what had happened, to remind him that nothing was okay as it once was.

Carol radiated warmth beside him, and supported his weight almost entirely as he forced himself to his feet. She shined so brightly yet, only the remnant of her power that was nonetheless incredible. Carol carried the ship to Earth, between the emptiness of space and the friction of the atmosphere in record time. Incredible was little to describe her, he could barely keep his eyes open in that time.

"Tony, can you walk?" She asked, her tone low sympathetically.

It was hard to think. It was hard to even think about communicating. And he would be forever grateful to Nebula and then to Carol for their presence, for it would be a real terror to be completely alone. Thinking that he could've survived without the Nebula was slightly laughable. It was hard to think. He felt so weak in her weakened body. So weak that a negative almost escaped his lips, but instead he nodded. He could still do that at least.

He wriggled free of her and forced his legs, already numb from holding his weight for that short time, down the ramp of the ship. Slowly. Head down so him wouldn't trip over his own legs. One step at a time. He was so exhausted.

Nebula passed them both in silence. He raised his head to say something random and that's when he saw that they were no longer alone.

Four, no, five figures stepped out of the compound entrance, approaching, each step a pang in Tony's heart due to anticipation. If he had plenty of fluid in his body, he might have cried. He had wondered so much in those last days about who had survived, if Thanos had even fulfilled his promise of randomness or if he had taken all Tony's allies at once leaving him alone with Nebula. But there they were. Pepper, barefoot and with messy hair. Rhodey, with the prosthetics he had invented reflecting under the moon. Bruce, still in casual clothes. He had hardly recognized Natasha with her platinum hair and a totally different cut. And Steve, crossing the distance three times faster than the others, like a man on a mission.

Nebula hissed when he got too close to them, his hand suspiciously at the waist, but Tony caught her before she could move.

"It's all right, Nebula. They are… they are the Avengers I told you about." He had been so reluctant to share this information with her, but he had made some comments on his team on Earth that he had been left to guard the gems - and the avengers had failed just as they had.

He had not imagined that he would really approach, it's been so long ago that they were face to face, that they've touched. But Steve replaced Carol beside him as quickly as a blink, wrapping him so close to his large body that he didn't even feel the temperature change, what Steve missed of body heat, somehow made up for squeezing him so hard by his side.

ony was so exhausted, physically and mentally, that he could barely decide if he wanted to push him away or pull him even closer, let him carry him as he hadn't let Carol do. Perharps if Steve had offered himself he wouldn't have the strength to deny it, perharps.

"W-what happened?" Tony managed to mutter, his chest still forcing a ragged breath.

And immediately regretted it. Steve's expression was so devastaded it made the answer unnecessary. Everywhere he looked he would see only failure from now on, he wasn't the only one.

"Ever since… it wasn't you who called… I… we thought that…" Steve didn't used to being so clumsy with words, there was too much emotion in what he wanted to convey, but maybe the timing wasn't appropriate, because the cold came again and Tony was so exhausted.

"Steve… just…" He tried, but wasn't even sure the words sounded audible, Steve had superhuman hearing, he would understand. His legs finally failed, exhaustion and malnutrition finally overcoming the enthusiasm and courage to return home and he fell towards for the floor. He felt other arms finally reach for him trying to support or lift him, but it was already in the lint of his consciousness. It was a pity. He really wanted to hug Rhodey and Pepper again.

* * *

When he finally woke up it was as if no time had passed, so he knew he had indeed fainted. Arriving in earth consciously was in itself a relief, if he was being honest, before Carol arrived he had really thought it was his end. But he was inside the makeshift ward that he had set up in the compound so many years ago, it was used so few times that it remained the same. He was lying on one of the double beds closest to the exit, his upper body slightly resting in numerous pillows and he was connected to monitoring devices. His fingers itched to pull off that needle out of his vein, and when he tried, one hand stopped him.

"Captain." He coughed. His mouth was even drier than before. It was Steve who was sitting there in a small metal chair, looking out of place bent over to approach him. Why he didn't just drag his chair closer was unknown to him, maybe he just wanted as excuse to get away too.

"Mr. Stark." And the smile he gave was supposed to be illegal. Or at least inappropriate. For it was sad and hopeful and bitter at the same time. He had not yet looked up from his hand on Tony's forearm, so thin that Steve's long fingers could twirl. "Don't take it off yet. Bruce said you are severely malnourished and need it."

Tony nodded, not focusing too much on it, it wasn't that uncomfortable. And Steve had not yet released his forearm, why?

"I won't take it off, I was just looking." He answered. "Is there water nearby?"

Steve got up without even turning, stepped out of Tony's line of sight and came back with two full glasses and handed them both to Tony, who drank his first earthly water in days.

A silence lingered, both unsure of what to say, how to say it. Breathing and machines were the only sounds in the room. Tony took a deep breath twice. Steve's fingers were still moving smoothly on his forearm, but Tony didn't think it was something the other one was really paying attention to, he seemed so lost in thought. Still, it was good, it made Tony's skin crawl in a good way, if he continued a little longer he would've fallen asleep.

But there were things that needed to be said before he got used to that touch. Before he could open his mouth, Steve beat him.

"I didn't say that night, but you have no idea how happy I am that you survived." Steve finally met his eyes, holding his full attention. His eyes showed sadness, happiness and a slight longing. It was amazing how Tony could read so much just by looking at him, this was never one of his skills.

It even took Tony to focus on his words and they embittered his mood. Are you, Steve? Or would you trade me for anyone Thanos took? He thought of Peter and of everything he could do to get him back. He looked at his new clothes, no sign of the old ones in sight. That jacket was Quill's, he hoped they'd returned it to Nebula, she deserved it.

"I have a hundred thrown out speeches that I almost said to you. And now I can only think that there must still be Peter dust on me." Steve's eyes went sad again, as if absorbing the weight of those words.

Tony wanted to cry again because Steve probably didn't even know who Peter was, he met only Spider-Man.

"Tony. I'm so sorry." He started again, emotion on every syllable. His sincerity hurted Tony even more, because no matter how bitter and betrayed he felt, it wasn't exactly Steve he wanted to suffer. He wouldn't know who either, maybe himself. "I'd go back on everything."

He promised. And Tony would've liked to believe it.

"It would do no good. I needed you." He threw it back on impulse, revealing more than he wanted, but there would be no other moment for sincerity. He needed Steve to understand.

"I know." And the captain bowed his head. That image would last on Tony, but it wasn't something he appreciated. He reached out the non-needle hand, touching Steve's chin and lifting his head so that his eyes met again.

"I needed you to trust me, you understand that, right? That's all." It was all he needed. He might've _wanted _more, much more, but that, would be perfect, enough, wouldn't make him hate his own flesh and everyone around him.

"And I trusted ... I just ... I did everything wrong." He answered almost in a regretful murmur. "But that's not how I imagined it. I didn't imagine anything."

A giggle mixed with sigh escaped the Tony's lips. He who thought so far ahead that he neglected the present and Steve who lived so much in the present and past that the future was a distant thought. Even their mistakes fit together. Could their rights fuse together so perfectly, or would they just result in catastrophe?

His already weak heart skipped a few beats at the ideas that were forming in her mind. If he had the courage to externalize them. Tony looked around the empty ward, through the window at the empty horizon of the Avengers Complex grounds, to the desolate world of the events of Thanos and his failures. He thought of Pepper and the platonic relationship they had that was much healthier and more fulfilling for both of them. He thought of all the hearts he broke and when his was broken. In the broken heroes still sheltering here. Would he really have something to lose if he give in to his impulses?

Steve's eyes still searched his and his fingers still trailed his forearm and that was the answer.

"Steve. If I asked…" Tears warmed his eyes and Tony shrank back further into bed, but continued to keep his gaze steady on Steve. "If I asked you to lie here and just forget about he world for a second, would you?"

"That's all I ever wanted." He replied, and his eyes were teary too.

Neither of them moved for a while, Tony turned only to push one of the buttons that turned off the room light, no FRIDAY there to coordinate everything by voice, and pull the nearest sheet with trembling fingers. His eyes were already closed when he felt the bed move and then adjust to Steve's weight, when he felt the warmth of his body radiate again to his and, finally, his hands intertwine. Nothing else mattered, just letting sleep envelop him as Steve enveloped did.


End file.
